Twitter

Twitter is the casually well-dressed guy you meet while out at a hot party in a lounge, who seems to know everyone and yet remain somewhat under the general radar. He passes out business cards, makes charming conversation, and infiltrates various social circles with relative ease. He wears a baby blue button down with a red bow tie and khakis, which would normally make him too much of an ass hat to function, but somehow it kind of just works on him. You tell yourself that you’re really not into that kind of guy, that he’s too “wired in” for you, but you eventually end up caving and going out with him a few times. At first, it’s all so intoxicating, he’s just so interesting and seems to know everything about everyone. Eventually, though, you realize that all of his talk of being a “community builder at a web-based start up” means absolutely zero in terms of actual gainful employment, and become pretty convinced that he must be stealing TVs or something to pay rent. You realize how much he’s made you care about appearances, what people think of you, and how many friends you have — you’ll leave him for your own good one day, but you just have to make a few more connections… just a few more…